Matt Nixon: Not everyone grows up to be an astronaut

Goodbye to an old friend

Yesterday we said goodbye to Matt Nixon. He was cremated at the City of London Crematorium, with around 25 people in attendance, half of them gamers. His coffin entered the flames covered in stickers, trinkets and his denims adorned with band patches. And a notable card, but more on that later.

We were welcomed into the chapel with this most suitable tune, Eulogy by Frank Turner:

Not everyone grows up to be an astronaut
Not everyone was born to be a king
Not everyone can be Freddie Mercury
But everyone can raise their glass and sing
Well I haven't always been a perfect person
Well I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed
But on the day I die, I'll say at least I fucking tried
That's the only eulogy I need
That's the only eulogy I need

Matt died in December 2022, age 53. He was a gamer, a controversial figure on the UK gaming scene, and my friend. I’d like to say a few words about him.

I met Matt around 2001, at a gaming con in Leicester. He soon became a member of the Kult of Keepers, a group of GMs organised by

Mike Mason

to run Call of Cthulhu games at conventions around the UK and abroad. I got a lot out of being part of the Kult, I hope others did too: there was a bond of shared interest, friendship and mutual support.

One requirement of being in the Kult was running each other’s adventures, and this served to highlight the differences in us as GMs. Matt was steeped in B-movie horror, and brought this to the table with gusto. When he ran one of my scenarios, I could be sure of two things: his game would run faster than mine, and he would add some wonderfully colourful and gory content.

Kult of Keepers with Sandy Petersen (front row centre) 2006. Left to right, back row, Keary Birch, Mike Mason, Paul Fricker, front row, Matt Nixon, Steve Knott, Wim van Hove, Rik Kerhsaw Moore.

Matt was a big fan of Rivers of London (the book series by Ben Aaronovitch), and set up a FB fan page, The Folly Casefiles, with 2000 members. Matt was very much a Londoner, and his eulogy spoke of how he got his first job at Hamleys toyshop, then later worked as a security guard at the British Museum—two London institutions. There are a few little Easter eggs hidden away in the Call of Cthulhu Keeper Rulebook, and one of them is a reference to Matt at the British Museum:

When I think of Matt, I’ll always remember an evening in his lodge at Indiecon (a convention on the south coast). He was troubled, and we had a long heart-to-heart talk late into the night, just the two of us and a bottle of hazelnut Baileys. There was a Matt that was kind, considerate, loving, and I saw that side of him.

But he was also outspoken on many issues, and at times, his own worst enemy. He was a big guy, and a big presence. He was a divisive character, and was banned from some UK conventions. It was challenging to maintain a friendship with him.

A mutual friend CJ Romer, put his thoughts in a FB post on the day of Matt’s death: “Well the news is clearly out, so I'm sad to hear of the death today, just a few hours ago -- of Matt Nixon, a chap many of you knew and who I was fond of, despite him being an *utter arse*. Those are not words with which I often begin speaking of just passed friends - but I am sure they would make Matt laugh…” I’ve no doubt about it CJ—Matt would have had a hearty laugh at that!

I regret that Matt and I had not spoken for a few years. Last November, I saw Facebook posts saying he was in hospital for a few weeks with liver and gall bladder issues. Troubling conditions, but he sounded upbeat about it all, and it wasn’t expected to be terminal.

Guilt and regret are a part of the grieving process, and I guess that’s where I am now. I was in London on the first Friday of December, and it occurred to me that I could pay him a visit at Whipps Cross Hospital, but I got busy with other things and put it off—there will always be another time, won’t there. But now there won’t. He died two days later.

Matt as Herbert West, me as a decayed Whateley, Tentacles 2003

I mentioned that card earlier. His friend, Nick, told us how Matt had gifted him a set of cards, featuring the image below, and how he or Matt would hold up the card to each other, across the gaming table, when the other was being unreasonable. If Matt had created the X-card, this is what it would look like, and please believe me when I say it would be done with a smile, and no ill-will or aggression. And so Matt was cremated with this card atop his coffin, and I can assure you no one would have laughed harder at this than Matt himself.

The ceremony was brought to a close with another Frank Turner track, Glory Hallelujah (thanks to Jules for choosing the tunes). Matt would very much approved of the sentiment.

There is no God
So clap your hands together
There is no God
No heaven and no hell
There is no God
We're all in this together
There is no God
So ring that victory bell

The day ended with a group of us stood around a pub table, raising a glass to Matt. He never grew up to be an astronaut, but I’m glad to have known him. Goodbye for the last time Matt my old mate.